I have thought about posting on here countless occasions over the last year. I would lay in bed at night ashamed for feeling too vulnerable to share myself with others. For feeling guilty for the amount of time that had lapsed since my last post. The longer the gap went by without me writing, the more excuses I would find not to jump back in. At first the excuses would be simple like I am just too busy. Which let’s be honest is a fucking lie. We all have the time. If we really wanted to do something we could find 30 minutes to do it. We put down our phones, turn off the TV, and just do it. It’s interesting how we can tell ourselves these little white lies and use them as fuel to make ourselves feel better about failing to step up to the plate.
Then the excuses we use became more elaborate. If I am going to share something it needs to be meaningful or I am dealing with really personal issues and do not have the emotional capacity to share. However isn’t that the whole point of writing a blog? To help others along their journey, to have someone know they are not alone with their thoughts. Being frank and honest is what brought me here in the first place. Why do I now feel like being raw and open is problematic?
Sometimes we need to just make a choice. I can sit here and keep making excuses. I can keep telling myself I will make the time for it next week or I can just do it. The hardest part is taking that first step. We make these expectations for ourselves that we need to be perfect. We get worried about what others are going to think, we worry about being failures, about how hard something will be. We think about all of the reasons why not to do something, but rarely stop to reflect on all of the reasons why we should do something. And I mean really reflect.
Some of us think too much about the future and what does it all mean. If I write today do I need to be ready to write everyday go forward? What if I am vulnerable with people and they don’t accept me. The list goes on. But really we just need to take things one day at a time. We need to just put ourselves out there, not be worried about what others think. Whether it is like myself and yearning to pick back up a hobby, or for others trying to get back to the gym after a long hiatus, or choosing to start eating healthy after all of the indulgences. In reality you just have to take this shit one day at a time. So today, I am not striving for perfection. I am not looking to post anything meaningful or inspirational. I am simply starting again. Sometimes we just need to throw ourselves out there and see what sticks.
So today maybe there is something you have been putting off. You keep telling yourself tomorrow. Well why not right now? We can all choose to wait till tomorrow, next week, or even next month. Or maybe we can all choose to be imperfect together but choose starting. Because everyday we take a step forward towards the person we want to be, that is one step closer to becoming that person.